A silly guide to the World of Mythical Beasts

As second-wave winds down, it's time to get back to both investing and humour.

As mythical beasts invade stodgy stock markets, here are some silly jottings to make sense of a phantasmagorical world:  

·       English teachers start using the reference “With a silent P, as in P&L”

·       In financial statements, CFO stands for cashflow FOR operations

·       CFA website appends FAQ section with “Yes, all cells in a Discounted Cash Flow can be negative, except terminal value”

·       When analyst note misspells first part of Net Worth as Not, it’s unclear if it’s a typo or dark humour

·       Awaiting news on the lines of “Anchor book includes hedge funds FOMO Partners and DunningKruger Capital”

·       On seeing IPO pop, my laughter turns to tears in one seamless take that will do Kamal Haasan proud

·       Sell-side suddenly turns ultra long-term: “In bull case, we expect profitability before Halley’s comet returns. In bear case, before Yellowstone caldera erupts (so much for terminal value)”

·       For the few troubled by high revenue multiples, it helps to think in terms of a more modest ‘Multiple of cumulative cash burnt’

·       Early-stage investor Cash Toburn muses in nostalgic TV interview “I felt like King Ferdinand reviewing Columbus’s business plan. Both missed by same amount.”

·       The phrase “Transformational Acquisition” can be used in plural form

·       In unrelated news, head-hunters see massive spike in Family Office hiring mandates

·       $100M investment is now referred to as an ‘experiment’

·       “What? Only singular?” said Phil Anthrope, MD at Blankcheq Associates, at board meeting to approve above investment

·       The phrase “Earnings call” never sounded so ironic.

·       Analysts confused whether a higher loss than consensus is a miss or a beat

(Road)Show opens on First of Octember.

PS. For those unfamiliar with Dr Seuss reference, do check out a book that’s as delightful as it’s wise. For free or paid.