A silly guide to the World of Mythical Beasts
As second-wave winds down, it's time to get back to both investing and humour.
As mythical beasts invade stodgy stock markets, here are some silly jottings to make sense of a phantasmagorical world:
· English teachers start using the reference “With a silent P, as in P&L”
· In financial statements, CFO stands for cashflow FOR operations
· CFA website appends FAQ section with “Yes, all cells in a Discounted Cash Flow can be negative, except terminal value”
· When analyst note misspells first part of Net Worth as Not, it’s unclear if it’s a typo or dark humour
· Awaiting news on the lines of “Anchor book includes hedge funds FOMO Partners and DunningKruger Capital”
· On seeing IPO pop, my laughter turns to tears in one seamless take that will do Kamal Haasan proud
· Sell-side suddenly turns ultra long-term: “In bull case, we expect profitability before Halley’s comet returns. In bear case, before Yellowstone caldera erupts (so much for terminal value)”
· For the few troubled by high revenue multiples, it helps to think in terms of a more modest ‘Multiple of cumulative cash burnt’
· Early-stage investor Cash Toburn muses in nostalgic TV interview “I felt like King Ferdinand reviewing Columbus’s business plan. Both missed by same amount.”
· The phrase “Transformational Acquisition” can be used in plural form
· In unrelated news, head-hunters see massive spike in Family Office hiring mandates
· $100M investment is now referred to as an ‘experiment’
· “What? Only singular?” said Phil Anthrope, MD at Blankcheq Associates, at board meeting to approve above investment
· The phrase “Earnings call” never sounded so ironic.
· Analysts confused whether a higher loss than consensus is a miss or a beat
(Road)Show opens on First of Octember.